ARCHIVE: My Thoughts Today (Not Exactly Me at My Most Uplifting)

*** This entry was originally posted to LiveJournal January 28, 2011 ***

Usually, the thoughts I share on here or on Twitter are uplifting and empowering--when they're not outraged over something. Or they're at least humorous. 

Not today. 

Here are two thoughts I've had today. I'm putting them here mostly to get them out and expressed, and so I can return to them later and review them. In other words, this note is mainly for me. If you want to read it, fine. If you have feedback about it, that's fine too I suppose. If you don't, that's okay too. 

If you know me only a little, you'll probably be shocked that I would ever have these kinds of thoughts. If you know me really well, you'll probably still at least make a show of protestation but somewhere in you I suspect you'll recognize that there is at least some truth to these thoughts. 

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THOUGHT 1:
The earth's investment in me:
65% of me in oxygen,
18% of me in carbon,
10% of me in hydrogen,
3% of me in nitrogen,
Smaller investments in various and sundry other elements. 

The earth's return on its investment: 

Well, let me put it this way. If I were in fact a traded commodity, the brokerage houses would all be screaming "Sell! Sell! SELL!!!" 

In 41 years, what have I given back to the world? Not a hell of a lot, it seems. 

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THOUGHT 2:

No wonder I like the theatre (even if I am a hack at it myself), with its winking deception making things seem to be when in reality they are not and its trompe l'oeil paint jobs. If I were handier, I'd no doubt be a set builder. Making things seem to be when they are not and trompe l'oeil paint jobs appear to be my stock-in-trade. 

The floor that I thought was marble built over a solid foundation was simply painted balsa wood, and has shattered through to reveal once again the vast, dark, dank, festering, fetid chasm below. 

When it comes to my heart, the ruse I use to deceive myself and others that it's a solid, opulent palace has again crumbled to reveal that there simply is no THERE there.